Online Dating Ad

Online dating’s a very broad sea,
But I’m happy that Craig’s List is free.
There is much here to choose;
There’s no way I can lose.
Let me give you some facts about me.

To begin, this is totally factual,
My looks are beyond supernatural:
For when I see a clock
I can make the hands lock;
My face is enough to unlatch you all.

But there’s more to someone than their features
For we’re all multi-faceted creatures:
When my innards are swollen
I can belch from my colon,
With a thunder that clears out the bleachers.

I can see that you’re still unconvinced.
Do you think that my words have been minced?
If my air seems too strong,
I can promise you’re wrong:
You should smell me before I have rinsed.

In the bedroom, I’m nothing but super,
My performance is that of a trooper:
When I’m deep in the thick
I am minute-man quick.
By the way, do you play in the pooper?

I can promise if you’ll be my bunny,
We need never contend over money.
When I’ve eaten my fill,
If you’ll please pay the bill,
Then our budget will always be sunny.

You will always be riding in style
If you hitch up with this autophile.
For the busses run late;
And there’s good Uber rates,
Even though they will charge by the mile.

I assure you this isn’t a line;
We can live in a place that is fine.
There’s no need to pay rent,
I still live with my parents,
And the basement downstairs is all mine.

If this ad is still up, I’m available.
I’m a bargain that’s just unassailable.
Do yourself a big favor
And come sample my flavor.
When’s the last time you read such a trailer-full?

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s