Tom Turkey’s Black Friday Rampage

The gorge-fest passed, or partially digested,
The brick-and-morters shoppers now infested
In search of bargains on this Friday black,
A day from which not all would journey back.

The mall was crawling with the teeming rabble;
For one-day discounts each of them did scrabble.
Unnoticed came the beast with ‘Zilla hobble
Until it cried itself with giant gobble:

“Behold, you gabbling swarm of gnashing monkeys!
It’s time for me to make a gravy chunky,
To dress your roasted flesh both dark and light–
For Tom the Turkey’s here to make it right.”

As wide as Starbucks, nearly twice as tall,
Stood massive, angry fowl here in the mall!
It towered high above the human din,
And giant sack hung low beneath its chin.

In deadly arc swung sack as fowl fiend spoke,
But those who saw it took it for a joke
And carried on their eager ways to shop,
Assuming Tom was but elaborate prop.

Their nonchalance The Turkey more enraged;
Now war upon the heedless crowd it waged–

A single kick from massive feathered thigh
Sent nearby swath of dorklings up to fly.
Then caravan of carts with plasma screens
The bird dispatched to shattered smithereens.

A darksome den of geeks then caught its gaze;
They would be the next the bird would raze:

“You emo tweens now swarming in Hot Topic–
Let’s put your innards in a sack canopic
And boil them pale to make my gravy broth;
A fitting consume-tion for your sloth.

“And you, in search of latest model phones,
The ones which are of last month’s model clones.
No need to sweat the overage folderol;
Your plan is done–now who you gonna call?”

The beast unleashed new feather-frenzied hell
And rent the twittering texters, cell by cell.
Any who survived now stay in touch
With bandaged cast and roam upon a crutch.

The angry avian sought victims more,
And soon espied the main department store.
Flinging victims more with swinging chin sack
It strutted on, to serve more turkey payback.

The first to see him spritzed him with perfume,
And offered free makeover looks to bloom.
The turkey’s giant pecker soon dispatched
The girl, then spat out bones and blonde hair thatch.

The other beauty mavens quickly scattered,
Bemisted as their perfume counters shattered.
Tom, now smelling like a willing date,
Paraded aisle by aisle to decimate.

Like Waldorf salad, shoes and handbags mixed
With bathroom fittings, bargains all deep-sized.
Tie-clips, leather wallets, arrow shirts
Were cast amidst the junior misses skirts.

The giant gobbler came to escalator,
And mangled it to shrapnel-cluttered crater,
Then leathery wrinkle-crimpled neck upstretched,
The upper story victims now to catch.

Intimate apparel soon was flinging,
But naught of naked pleasure was it bringing.
And any who midst furniture did crouch
Were soon unhidden by a flying couch.

Rage now piquing, Tom made final stop
Destroying china in the bridal shop.
With special pleasure, angry bird now shattered
Gravy boats and matching turkey platters.

The culmination of his rampage reached,
Tom Turkey now delivered one more speech:

“I, Tom Turkey, claim T-Day as our day,
And leave to you this bloody dark Black Friday.
Those of you who manage to find rescue,
Be thankful that at least I didn’t stuff you.”

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