Hello friend, my special elf,
Spying on me from the shelf,
Judging with your sneering gaze
My every move these holidays.
Are you compiling your report?
Do my behaviors come up short?
Have you convinced the Santa Claus
That I have broken many laws?
About this rule, “You shall not touch.”–
I think you use it as a crutch
To keep you from my angry clutch.
I think you trust it overmuch.
I noticed that you move at night
When you’re no longer in my site.
I think I’ll help you move today.
I see the cans–it’s garbage day!