Doctor-Patient Ice-Breaking

Doctor:
As we strap you in the stirrup, tell me what you do for work.

Patient:
I work in advertising, selling distant dreams to jerks.
The things I make are substanceless; they’re all imaginary.

Doctor:
My work site tends to more tactile, and quite vaginary.

Patient:
The pay is good but sometimes people’s smiles are gnashing teeth.

Doctor:
The view is great—but sometimes I can’t breathe because of queef.

WordPress daily writing prompts (words highlighted above).

 

It’s Raining Cats

“They say that pets can lengthen life and keep away depression.
These feral cats to send to mum would seem no great transgression.”

“I’ll get the catapult. We’ll want to leave a deep impression.”

WordPress daily writing prompts (words highlighted above).

(As with anything else written here, just having silly fun. I actually think cats are awesome.)

Waxing Magical

“Is this the placement agency? There’s been some kind of error.
The stylist that you sent us is behaving like a terror.
We started him on one new client for a wax and threading.
Now we’ve got a dance macabre of twine and goo–it’s spreading!
I’m sorry but we must return this person whom you’ve sent us.”

“We thought you said ‘magician’; that’s a sorcerer’s apprentice.”

WordPress daily writing prompt: https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/apprentice/

Darned Yarn

One spinster to the other as they sat themselves to knit:
“Another sweater for your son? How did the last one fit?”

“He never got to try it on; he said his puppy ate it.”

“What awful luck! And such a treasure so unlucky fated.
And what about the lovely scarf you knitted before that?”

“A gust of wind bereft him of it, with its matching hat.
It seems to happen every time, to everything I darn.”

“I guess you’re not the only one who likes to spin a yarn.”

WordPress daily writing prompt: https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/yarn/

Parfum La Doom

“Dear madame, can you tell me whence ensues that pungent plume?
It smells like blooms of Spring, trapped for days inside a tomb.
My parents’ bathroom smells the same, of floral-scented doom.”

“A curse on you for asking, what you smell is my perfume!”

WordPress daily writing prompt: https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/perfume/

Raise and Kneel

I have a new position
Within the company.
I’ll guard against dentition;
Hope it doesn’t harm-ma-knees.

WordPress daily writing prompt: https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/harmony/

(Blanket disclaimer:  Like anything else found here, this is just fun with rhymes and puns, and is not indicative of actual situations or events. I have a cool job.)