Tom Turkey’s Black Friday Rampage (conclusion)

And now, the climactic second half of Tom Turkey’s retail assail (first half here)…

The giant, pissed off turkey is in a shopping mall during Black Friday, about to enter a department store to wreak some havoc.

Flinging victims more with swinging chin sack
Tom strutted on, to serve more turkey payback.

The first to see him spritzed him with perfume,
And offered free makeover looks to bloom.
The turkey’s giant pecker soon dispatched
The girl, then spat out bones and blonde hair thatch.

The other beauty mavens quickly scattered,
Be-misted as their perfume counters shattered.
Tom, now smelling like a willing date,
Paraded aisle by aisle to decimate.

Like Waldorf salad, shoes and handbags mixed
With bathroom fittings, bargains all, deep-sixed.
Tie-clips, leather wallets, arrow shirts
Were cast amidst the junior misses skirts.

The giant gobbler came to escalator,
And mangled it to shrapnel-cluttered crater,
Then leathery wrinkle-crimpled neck upstretched,
The upper story victims now to catch.

Intimate apparel soon was flinging,
But naught of naked pleasure was it bringing.
And any who midst furniture did crouch
Were soon unhidden by a flying couch.

Rage now piquing, Tom made final stop
Destroying china in the bridal shop.
With special pleasure, angry bird now shattered
Gravy boats and matching turkey platters.

The culmination of his rampage reached,
Tom Turkey now delivered one more speech:

“I, Tom Turkey, claim T-Day as my day,
And leave to you this bloody dark Black Friday.
Those of you who manage to find rescue,
Be thankful that at least I didn’t stuff you.”

Fun aside,  sincere wishes to you and yours for a fun, fulfilling holiday, and some killer sale bargains. 🙂

-Dan
https://https://rhymeintimeblog.wordpress.com/

Tom Turkey’s Black Friday Rampage

Tom Turkey deals some holiday payback on Black Friday shoppers…

With gorge-fest passed or partially digested,
The brick-and-mortar shoppers now infested,
In search of bargains on this Friday black,
A day from which not all would journey back.

The mall was crawling with the teeming rabble;
For one-day discounts each of them did scrabble.
Unnoticed came the beast with ’Zilla hobble
Til it announced itself with giant gobble:

“Behold, you gabbling swarm of gnashing monkeys!
It’s time for me to make some gravy chunky,
To dress your roasted flesh both dark and light—
For Tom the Turkey’s here to set things right.”

As wide as Starbucks, nearly twice as tall,
Stood massive, angry fowl here in the mall!
It towered high above the human din,
And giant sack hung low beneath its chin.

In deadly arc swung sack as fowl fiend spoke,
But those who saw it took it for a joke
And carried on their eager ways to shop,
Assuming Tom was but elaborate prop.

Their nonchalance The Turkey more enraged;
Now war upon the heedless crowd it waged—
A single kick from massive feathered thigh
Sent nearby swath of dorklings up to fly.

Then caravan of carts with plasma screens
The bird dispatched to shattered smithereens.

A darksome den of geeks then caught its gaze;
They would be the next the bird would raze:

“You emo tweens now swarming in Hot Topic—
Let’s put your innards in a sack canopic
And boil them pale to make my gravy broth;
A fitting consume-tion for your sloth.

“And you, in search of latest model phones,
The ones which are of last month’s model clones.
No need to sweat the overage folderol;
Your plan is done—now who you gonna call?”

The beast unleashed new feather-frenzied hell
And rent the twittering texters, cell by cell.
Any who survived now stay in touch
With bandaged cast, and roam upon a crutch.

The angry avian sought victims more,
And soon espied the main department store.

…remainder to appear on Thanksgiving Thursday.

Or get the rest free here, along with other creepy kooky holiday verse:

This weekend only (11/23-24). Also available free any time through KindleUnlimited.

Happy Creepy Holidays!
-Dan
https://rhymeintimeblog.wordpress.com

Werewolf Fraternity

I guess it was just vanity,
Or youth’s naive insanity;
Whatever impulse led me through that door
The youth I was returned from thence no more.

An opportunity too hard to pass—
Big Man on Campus—I would get some ass.

If I had only known, oh what travail!
It’s true at least I ended up with tail.

“I can tell you’re just our species, bro;
Come pledge at house of Kappa‐Upsi‐Rho.
Running with the pack and chasing puss;
That’s the fun you’ll have. Come rush with us!”

There was a coldness in his steely stare
That chilled me to the tailbone; oh beware!
But I was all agog to join his crew;
I didn’t know he led the loup‐garous.

…

Continued in …

Still free to download until tomorrow.

-Dan
https://rhymeintimeblog.wordpress.com

Somewhere

Somewhere, stark in lunar light
A werewolf wakens from a wight,
And creeps throughout the sleepy night
To give his fellow creatures fright.
Somewhere, hapless sot alone
Through forest stumbles toward home,
Types panicked text on shaking phone.
Somewhere, werewolf gnaws on flesh-ripped bone.

For Go Dog Go Cafe Tuesday Writing Prompt Challenge.

Ritual Sacrifice

Here’s a tanka (syllable count 5/7/5/7/7) for Colleen (The Faery Whisperer)’s Tanka Tuesday challenge:

Verdant creature cropped,
For sacred holiday chopped,
Corpse on my car flopped,
With drip-pan fragrant blood sopped,
With smiling angel I top.

(Disclaimer: Most years, the wife and I buy a fresh Christmas tree and enjoy the fragrance of its sap.)

Vampires of Lugnano

First published on https://poetscornerblog.wordpress.com. By a weird quirk (not my intent) it somehow became sticky there, possibly to the annoyance of other posters,  and to unstick it, I had to unpost it (make it a draft). Normal options did not work. But it was Liked enough to keep it posted somewhere. 🙂

Deep in sleepy Umbria,
Entombed in gravel pit,
The corpses of a host of children
Rot amidst the grit.

A thousand years and more they’ve lain
Inside this soul-less grave,
Blameless victims of a plague
Whom physic could not save.

Bound inside their thready shrouds
From fear that they might stir,
Their curse-less mouths were stuffed with stones
From feeding to deter.

Undisturbed they might have lain
Until the world’s demise,
But now an archaeologist
Unearths them–now they all arise!

The dust-clad waifs shake limbs from shroud
And spit away the stones,
Awake with gnawing hunger
To re-flesh their fetid bones.

En masse they set out for the town
On human blood to binge.
Insult of a thousand years
These vampires shall avenge!

Inspired by these articles about stones placed in corpses’ mouths, ostensibly to prevent them from returning and feeding upon the blood of the living:

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/10/15/italy-child-vampire-burial-eerie-ritual-prevent-malaria/1645690002/
http://www.comune.lugnanointeverina.tr.it/po/mostra_news.php?id=457&area=H
https://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2010/02/100226-vampires-venice-plague-skull-witches/

(image from: https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/10/15/italy-child-vampire-burial-eerie-ritual-prevent-malaria/1645690002/)

 

Crutch and My Clutch, and Off to the Mall

I gobbled overmuch;
Now like a turkey I am stuffed.

Cram-fed with yams and such,
And pumpkin pie with cream home-fluffed,

To walk I need a crutch.
At least my healthy waistline’s buffed.

Well, it’s time to grab my clutch—
Black Friday calls, and she is rough.

WordPress daily writing prompt (highlighted above).

Another perverse offering… Happy Hellidays

Rhymes of horror, just in time for the holiday season. And it’s not just for Halloween!