Natty and Gnatty

Gnatty:
“I like your shirt. Did you just buy it? It looks so crisp and natty.
If you don’t mind my saying so, your old one was so ratty.”

Natty:
“That’s very kind of you, my dear, and you appear less fatty.
I noticed that your fly’s loose though—the room is getting gnatty.”

WordPress daily writing prompt (word highlighted above).

 

 

Doctor-Patient Ice-Breaking

Doctor:
As we strap you in the stirrup, tell me what you do for work.

Patient:
I work in advertising, selling distant dreams to jerks.
The things I make are substanceless; they’re all imaginary.

Doctor:
My work site tends to more tactile, and quite vaginary.

Patient:
The pay is good but sometimes people’s smiles are gnashing teeth.

Doctor:
The view is great—but sometimes I can’t breathe because of queef.

WordPress daily writing prompts (words highlighted above).

 

Eating Out

 

He:
Oh my darling, stop giving me flap
That we never go out and you’re trapped.
Let’s go out somewhere classy
Where the rails are brassy
And the waitresses sit in your lap.

She:
Not a taco but super burrito
Will it take to wake up my libido.
Your chorizo is stale–
How about Chippendale’s?
We can check out some class wearing speedos.

WordPress daily writing prompt (word highlighted above).

I Decim-Ate It All

I had to eat the extra portion;
Now my colon’s in contortion.

All of it went in my face;
I ate it all, and left no trace.

Already had I had enough
To keep me flabby in the buff

But then another plate I ate.
This caused my guts to detonate,

Dinners past ex-herniate,
And cloud of brown to radiate.

The misty plague took many hues.
In clothes and hair did it infuse;

The cloud caused all around to grieve
And beg for oxygen reprieve.

If you wish your next mealtime to survive,
Try not to be there after I arrive.

WordPress daily writing prompts (words highlighted above).

It’s Raining Cats

“They say that pets can lengthen life and keep away depression.
These feral cats to send to mum would seem no great transgression.”

“I’ll get the catapult. We’ll want to leave a deep impression.”

WordPress daily writing prompts (words highlighted above).

(As with anything else written here, just having silly fun. I actually think cats are awesome.)

Footnote in the Book of Life

From flesh rent fresh adrift, from breath unmoored;
Now frantic search for where my goodwill’s stored.

My mortal span on Earth has reached its end
And now to final judgement I descend.

Is there enough to mitigate the ill?
For demon-feast will I provide new fill?

Not every life that’s lived can be called glorious.
But tell me mine at least proved foot-notorious.

WordPress daily writing prompts (words highlighted above).