Overheard at the Beach

On a day more suitable for the beach than the office, here is another groaningly over-reached pun on the WordPress daily writing prompt …

Hodad:
“Dude, I think you missed your crest!
You should be up there with the rest.”

Surfer:
“But then I’m only following the wake.
Sh*t, I’d rather go for outside break.”

Can’T Werk

This medical corset’s not working.
As a dancer, my duties I’m shirking!
When I bent to plie
I felt something give way.
Now this ab rupture keeps me from twerking.

Thready To Leave

Overheard at the haberdashery convention:

“That tailor is sew off the cuff–
Compleately biased basting.
He’s darning us with verbal darts
And notions not worth facing.”

“It seams his chintzy wares will also reek.
Let’s leave before he comes unknit in pique.”

Ass-tonish

I guess there is simply no beating it.
This ritual, I’ll be repeating it.
I gorged at the feast
On too much of the beast–
Now my ass-ton is sh*tting a sheet of it.

Cur in Fur

She:

“My darling, did it not occur
Why lights are dim? Now don’t demur.
It’s time to make that two-backed beast:
Let’s give these quiet sheets a stir.”

He:

“Oh babe, I want to make you purr,
But I can’t see it to be sure.
Turn on the closet light at least
Or else you’ll force me to infer.”

Tuck-n-Roll

It’s often said the market learns,
And then, once schooled, it teaches.
And sometimes Mr Market burns
You straight between the breaches.

A goring by a running bull
Can’t be retirement’s goal.
Some hibernate through winter lull,
I think I’ll tuck-n-roll.

WordPress daily writing prompt (linked above).

 

 

Overheard at the Meat Market

“It makes my chitlins stir, we’re such an eyeful,
Like pigs packed tight in methane-clouded sty full.”

“Don’t give me all that tripe; No need to wallow.
Our flesh will soon give pleasure with a swallow.”

WordPress daily writing prompt (highlighted above).

 

(Ref)undulator

I’ll show her I’m not just a glancer,
Or cheapskate masturbator.
Loan some ones to tip the dancer–
I’ll refund u later.

WordPress daily writing prompt (highlighted above).

I Met Your Mother at the Zoo

I met your mother at the zoo,
And I must say, she sure was nice:

I gave to her bananas two,
And like a champ, she swallowed twice.

The only thing that puzzles me,
Which I just haven’t figured out–

Is how she’s able to be free:
Why do the zoo guards let her out?

WordPress daily writing prompt (highlighted above).

Crutch and My Clutch, and Off to the Mall

I gobbled overmuch;
Now like a turkey I am stuffed.

Cram-fed with yams and such,
And pumpkin pie with cream home-fluffed,

To walk I need a crutch.
At least my healthy waistline’s buffed.

Well, it’s time to grab my clutch—
Black Friday calls, and she is rough.

WordPress daily writing prompt (highlighted above).